BBakawan's Silver Voyage: The 25th Post

"Lord renew my mind, as your will unfolds in my life. In living everyday, by the power of Your love."

Today's the day.

It's time to retire the blog, Biyaheng Bakawan. The inspiration and decision came today, Sunday, a day after my one year, seventh monthsary in Thailand. It was a lovely church service, the Gospel was about love. Jesus is telling his disciples, "Remain in me, and I shall remain in you. Let your love be in me, so your joy may be complete." On top of that, the young Thai priest's homily included an impromptu rendition of The Beatles's "I Will". Of course, it was a Filipino choir that mass, so we had a mini-concert in between the Gospel and the Creed.

The serenity and serendipity of today's service, and the consolation I received about my state of mind, allowed me to say, "Ok, BB Chronicles, it's time to sail home." I know, and I feel, that my mangrove journey has reached its peak; it has arrived at its destination.

I won't stop chasing mangroves, nor will I stop writing or learning about them. It's just that 'Biyaheng Bakawan' carried so much baggage from my old journey that the vessel needs to retire. I won't scuttle this ship just yet, but I am anchoring it at the dock--for the meantime. It'll be there to be visited, to be looked back on, and to be reminisced about.

Mangroves have certainly been the centerpiece of my life journey until now. The mangrove quest brought me places I've never seen, allowed me to meet people I never thought I'd see, and enabled me to go beyond recognized limits. The greatest gift that the dream of chasing mangroves brought, is the joy that Christ promised: incarnate in my love and life-partner, husband Philippe. If not for this bakawan dream, I wouldn't have gone to New Zealand to study (I wouldn't have met him); I wouldn't have gone to Asia to work (he wouldn't have followed and proposed); and I wouldn't have dared to dream again (us charting a new life together). Ah yes, my life is like a propagule--the tides bring me to fertile ground and let me germinate in good soil.

So my BB followers, many thanks for following this journey. 25 posts is silver for me, and that is a good number. I'll let you know when the next journey begins. I stand at the edge of the mangrove forest, looking out into the sea. What's next you say? Find out with me. The adventure continues!  

(This last blog entry is dedicated to my EnviScience batchmates, Ateneo BSES 2001: rachel, len, nin, joyce, rica, drey, and noe. My fellow travellers back at the Manila Observatory, back when we were young, and restless, and full of dreams. We still are, by the way, blazing our own trails, wherever we are...)

The Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band syndrome

I logged on tonight with the sole purpose of shutting down Biyaheng Bakawan.

Yes, you read that right. I aimed to shut down this blog. Driven by desolation and misery because of events culminating in this crappy day, I said, "Enough!" No more writing about my mangrove journey; it's too painful to write about something I like, when one feels that the noble dream of journeying through Bakawans has been shat on and spat at by ogres who have nothing to do but erode the confidence of the young. So I resolved to stop writing before those ogres turn my ideals into dregs.

Yet, on the way to this blog, I chanced upon several hits on the word "morvenna". For faithful readers of the BB Chronicles, Morvenna is part of this blog's address, and also part of my name--kind of like, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, or Jorge Luis Borges, or Ursula K. Le Guin. I've always been proud of my name, this name Morvenna, in particular, because no one in my waking universe has the same unique nominal combination as mine. Growing up and until now, my name is my Identity.

Imagine my amusement when Google the omniscient yielded at least a hundred results for Morvenna, the top 3 of which include this blog, Morvenna.com [an online portfolio of a graphic arts freelance consultant from Leeds whose name is Morven Anne (how original can you get)]--and Morvenna the Mermaid! That won it. Not only is that last site about tattoos and witchcraft, it's about a mermaid that grants wishes! And apparently, it's a real tour package offered in Cornwall, in a place called Newquay. Aha. So my mer-namesake is not some made up queer character conjured up by our LGBT friends.

Morvenna the Mermaid, according to Cornish legend, is an enchanting sea-woman and has the ability to grant wishes. Great. So not only is my name associated with a queer sea enchantress, my name connotes an underwater genie as well. Eureka. Now I know how I beguiled my husband into marrying me.

So, after being amused and adequately distracted, I decided to keep this blog. I also decided that what I went through this evening is something akin to The Beatles' Sgt Peppers phase: a decision to change the name to see if the music will still be the same, and if there will still be a following. Hmmm. In my case, I wanted to shut down this blog because I didn't want to write anything anymore about mangroves while I am in this reality at the moment. Because I am desolate at the moment, I wanted to change the mood, the theme, and yes, even the title of this blog. I wanted to start anew.

And yet, here I am, still typing away. Maybe, maybe, I will eventually shut down this blog and start a fresh one (with some flashy title like: "I, Biyahera" or "The Misadventures of Mrs Jmae Thuaud"). All I know is, I think I want to retire Biyaheng Bakawan when I am neither desolate nor jubilant. Wait for it, dear readers. We'll see where the tide washes me ashore...

(On the occasion of the end of the 2nd World War in France, and the end of my personal war with local ogres who spit on noble dreams...)